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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECTS CHILD DEVELOPMENT

“Families in stress produce children in stress.”

 

Abuse hurts more than just the victim; it also impacts the children witnessing the abuse.  The effects of domestic violence on children, often linger throughout adulthood. 

 

Children exposed to domestic violence learn the use of violence as a strategy to mediate their needs and wants.  They see the violence between their parents and how in many cases the violence advances the preferred outcome of the aggressor.

 

The violence comes in many forms noticeable to children.  It may be through verbally abusive and demeaning language.  It could be verbal threats of violence or physical gestures to imitate violence and thus intimidation.  The violence may include throwing of objects and destruction of objects and in more extreme forms, it can include physical assault ranging from pushing, shoving and slapping to punching, kicking and strangulation.  In the most physically dangerous of forms the violence can include the use of weapons.  In so many cases, the violence is meant to assert one’s will over the will of another. 

A child living in an abusive home often feels helpless, hopeless, and unable to control his environment. This leads to emotional problems, regression of development, problems at school and in some cases depression.

 

Experts agree that the next generation of abusers will come from those who have been abused themselves or those who have witnessed abuse.  There tends to be gender differences with regard to children exposed to domestic violence.  Boys are at greater risk of learning that violence gets them what they want.  Further, while relying on violence, there tends to be less reliance on verbal skills and hence these same boys are at risk of inadequate verbal relational skills such as dialogue and discussion to mediate their needs.  Girls are at risk of learning that violence is normal and as a result can be more apt to accept violence within their relationships.

 

If you were exposed to domestic violence in childhood, consider discussing your experience with a counselor knowledgeable in these matters.  In discussing your childhood experiences it could be further helpful to explore current relationships and strategies for getting along and resolving differences. 

 

 Exposure to domestic violence from childhood can have long-reaching consequences to adulthood.  Hence we look to protect children in the present from such exposure to limit risks of their direct and immediate harm as well as their future intimate life.

 

  

Under no circumstances should Domestic Violence be tolerated

 

 

Warning Signs that Your Child may be distressed by Domestic Violence:  

 

Ages 0-2

Demands a lot of Attention                                                                     Cries or screams excessively              

Frequent health problems                                                                      Feeding/Eating problems

Excessive separation anxiety                                                                Easily startled

Sleep disturbances (nightmares, hard to get to sleep)                    Speech disorders

 

AGES 3-5      

Frequent temper tantrums                                                                     Has trouble separating from mother          

Eating problem                                                                                          Bed wetting                                                    

Overly active                                                                                             Aggressive behavior

Excessive fear or anxiety                                                                       Clingy

Cries or screams excessively                                                                Self-abusive (biting self, pulling hair, head banging)

Shows regression in development                                                        Withdrawn                                    

Ages 6-11

Problems getting along with other children                                      Excessive anxiety                                                

Is withdrawn or depressed                                                                     Has difficulty separating from mother                  

Caretaking of adults (feels responsible)                                              Dangerous risk-taking                                     

Overly active                                                                                             Sleep disturbances

Easily frightened                                                                                       Demands a lot of attention

Aggressive behaviors                                                                              Attempts to protect mother from harm

Poor problem solving skills                                                                     Lacks empathy

Attention problems at school                                                                 Somatic problems (headaches, stomach aches)

                          

Age 12- UP